Friends

I guess everyone is confessing around! Imma joining in yo! Frankly speaking, I feel blessed for being able to be part of lyodts. Though it may seems impossible, but I sincerely hope that our friendship isn't coming to an end even though we are going different colleges. So yeah! I'm gonna start now. 

To blackie Y,

I know right?! There was the time where i treated you as my enemy, starting from form 1 itself I think. And I  feel you are changing little by little nowadays, as there is this presence of him in your life. I must say, it brings no harm to our friendship though it did bring up some unnecessary arguments! Erm, I'm starting to treat you like my sister instead of a bestie. So, I did not hold back all my emotions. LOL. And, mana ada every time? I hear you fatt la! When I think back, there are some reasons that caused me to be angry at times, but I just tend to forget it. I'm trying to live as happy as I can, leaving bad memories behind and not bringing them to the next day. There is this little thing that I have been wondering around... You just wouldn't say sorry that easily. Is it that hard to say so...? Lol!i agree that friends may not last forever, but, it may happens if both parties believe . One thing, We don't chat very the often nowadays, do we?

To Chubby O,

It's my pleasure meeting you! Thanks for being my friend throughout my primary school life and secondary as well. I must say, you can be both mature and childish as the same time. Just when I think you have grown up, you start to act childishly again. You ah! Tak boleh praise one. ISH! And one thing, you said you tried to not change the other's perspectives and yeah you did. But, it would be perfect if you can keep 'xi huan in la, wo zhi shi she yang gen in jiang er yi' to yourself! No offence kay. As for now, all I hope is that we are gonna keep in touch! and, pls stop beating people around, pain wey -.- .. Accepting isn't that tough after all, am I right? Oops, almost forget this, your special type of humor, keep it to yourself sometimes. Soooo coldddd!!! Hahahhaah!!!!  

To patik D,

I always feel that there is a distance between both of us, but it is getting better and better as time passed. Just when I think I'm about to get closer to you, school is coming to an end. Boh chance eh! Sigh. To me, you are so hard to reach, maybe it's because you never let your guard down. Sometimes, I wonder why you only say good words, or complimenting people around. And you ll always stay so until the day we quarreled! LOL. Just wanna say sorry if I offended you or did something wrong. 

To measurement T,

To me, I'm feeling happy when I see you changing from an emo person since form 1 till who you are today. You changed a lot, you don't cut yourself using penknife anymore, and I must tell you. I even pictured you having mental problem in future when I saw you doing so. LOL. One thing... When I told you what do I think about you, you called that judging. And isn't you are judging me too when you were telling your thoughts? In my opinion, everyone in the world is judging one another, without judging, how on earth does the opinion comes by? It comes down to judging after all.

To roundy S,

To tell you the truth, I was so damn pissed when I saw your post. I think everyone on earth has their greatest fears, you don't have to try it to know that it's scary. Just like you know that lion is harmful naturally, you don't have to stay with lion to know that they are harmful, do you? I'm fear height and that a piece of fact that wouldn't change, so if you can't stand it, to be honest, it's up to yo. And what do you mean why you said 'I do not hope you to go ausmat'. I think it's childish after all. Regarding that statement you made, it was meant to be a question anyway. Cause I heard them from a number of people which I think know you well. And most importantly, I do not understand you. You said, two years of friends, try to recall, how many time do we actually spend together? P/s: I don't really feel like talking to you during jj trip, I bet you felt it. But seeing everyone was chit-chatting so happily, I don't think ruining everyone's mode was a great idea. Cause the thing you said, its rude. But thinking back, you have your right to do so, hope we are still friends. 

Lastly, maybe I may be too straight forward, but that's what I think of each and every of you. Be angry if you want! Teehee! One post isn't enough to spill out all the thought, hope I still have chance to update you guys and I need you guys to update me as well! :)

A Letter to LYODTS...

Actually, I had this post ready even before the post "Everyone is spreading out"... But I had no enough courage to put this up... Anyway, seeing everyone is posting up, I think I must post something too... (sounds random, but every words are written with sincere thoughts...)

L - "Do u have the newspaper cuttings of the "381 Club"???" that's how we get started... Since standard 5 huh... If u ask me to think of how u look like in standard 5, I'll say, the image that appear is : a plum girl eating French fries and keropok lekor, at the same time asking "Do u want???" now, it turns out like I m the one eating and u will tell me "eating so much!!!???" u r straight forward (thank u for being straight forward) and I need to say that u r mature... U r a friend who "mengisi my masa lapang" and someone whom I can talk for 1 hour ++ on phone... Sorry for using ur time on me, but isn't it a good investment??? Hahaha... One thing... U r very easily influenced by friends, especially Y... But now come to think if it... Actually we r no doubt influenced by friends... "pengaruh rakan sebaya memang tidak dapat dinafikan", right??? We quarrel over small things... But get closer each time after quarrelling, because we understand each other more and appreciate the chance to know each other more, and to forgive... Most importantly, we trust... I really thank u for being my friend... Someone who can "sot" with me (besides Yuen Yuen...) and understand my very stupid joke... Hahaha..., again, Hahaha...

Y - we started talking through "381 Club" too huh... I still remember turning my head back during tuition, started talking to u, and u gave me a shock look... Hahaha... One very the memorable moment is that when we both cried about the news: Wendy is leaving to New Zealand... Hahaha... It is really funny!!! (I can't stop laughing now...) but one thing about u, is that, u r always trying to be friends with everyone, what I mean here was ur opinion is most of the time, same with the one u r speaking to, and it differs when u speak to another person... It is good to mix with more friends but my advice, u don't have to agree with whatever a friend says... Undeniably, u r a good friend... (except the time u gave me a condom as a birthday present... That's a trauma!!!) sorry for writing urs the shortest... But I really don't know what to write somemore... And thanks for everything u had done for me...

D - Ding Ding... Of course u know how I m going to start off with : "u r the longest friend I ever had!!!" remember seeing u sitting right in front of me in 1 Melur... And i think that is also the time i started to make u my idol... How many on earth can maintain such a friendship without quarrelling for 10 years ++!!!!!!! Scary right... Maybe we understand too much about each other... Remember we always ask each other "Tell me my weaknesses!!!" and we both couldn't answer... Seriously speaking, I hope I can point out something, but nothing came out from my greatest brain... Maybe we already get used to and accepted the different personalities among us... However, we have the same "root of thought" on almost everything, just different way of doing it... U know what, I was afraid of going to college without u... Every year when school reopens, for 10 years, u r there to wish me a happy-tuned "Morning" or "Good afternoon" and the latest version "Zhou San"... (except of one year u went for holiday...) I was afraid of u not being there anymore...to guide the lost me...to discuss about studies...to go around college together finding for a lecturer... In short, I wonder if I can cope with ur absence... And i know I cant stop anyone to achieve what they want... Until the day u called saying we r in the same class again, tell u, those words are my best birthday present seriously... I was too happy that I went speechless and my heart is beating damn fast... And the smile on my face remains for don't know how long... It's like - seeing a light ray from a dark night in a scary forest...(sastera leh...) Well, we don't know if one of us can get a scholarship and transfer to another college and left another one behind, but, thanks for coming to the same college with me... U always said that u don't care much about friends, but tell u again, I know u care VERY MUCH about friends... Can I call u 'Yan Wen' starting from college??? (and u r already calling me "Ming En"...) It makes me feel a little more special, as the longest friend u ever had, and as a friend u can trust... And one thing I need to tell u... "u r more than a friend to me"... (Maybe a younger sister who came to my world when I was seven...)

T - Wendy... Actually I wrote about u first (Maybe because the feeling just came while I was typing ur essay about me...) I remember u as someone cool, artistic and we all know u r going to be successful... U r someone who can tease me until I cried... Someone who used to scare me with ghost stories and cockroaches... But seriously speaking, I appreciate the moment when u being so straight forward to me... That's why I didn't know how to react when u ask me "Do u want me to stop teasing u???" now, I felt like telling u "Welcome u to tease me" but I know it sounds wrong... Hahaha... Dancing together in Mandarin school us really one of the greatest memory... U forced me splitting!!!!! And after a long time trying to push me nearer to the ground, u change ur plan... (thank god...) I remember Y told me that u told her, "Low is the longest friend of mine although she is closer to Ding..." She told me this when we both crying on the phone about the news u r going to New Zealand... And this makes me cried even worse... I didn't know that u see me as such an important friend... (and I thought u hate me due to my childishness that time...) I thought I understand u very well as a cold-blooded animal, but warm at times, a person who put everything to urself, a person who seem not to care but cares a lot... I thought I know u... A person who enjoy silence... Ur personality changes after ur Turkey trip... It makes me hard to believe how can a person changes her personality so fast that I wonder if this is her true self, or kena rasuk???!!! If that is the real u, am I being cheated for so many years??? Or is it really true as what u said "I have many personalities but they are Wendy"... (I still can't agree on this theory...) I could not get use to the new you, so I started to stay away from u... I m afraid of being cheated, again... Until the day I type the essay... I realise, it's time to accept the new you, with only one reason, u r my friend... A friend who had help me, protect me, teach me ... I would like to apologise for staying away from u... "Sorry..." Anyway, I m still afraid of someone with loads of personalities without a psycho problem... It feels like being cheated... By the way, thanks for using the adjective "mature" on me... And I m telling u, I m mature!!!

S- Thanks for writing my part in mandarin... (I feel a little special...) anyway, I will be writing urs in English because not all LYODTS can read mandarin... I once thought u r the same creature as me, similar personality, understand me very well... I once trusted u so much... And I thought we share the same thought about relationship like family and friends... It is really good to have u to talk to because of our emotional characteristics... However, I was proven wrong... I was really upset when u told me "U don't have to tell me what to do about family, I already know about loyalty for parents...". I was really shock when u told me that all emotional essays u wrote wasn't what u really feel... As what I had told u, I was fooled by ur full-of-emotions essay... I was startled... I know if I didn't tell u that I had a hard feeling, things will get worse because I show everything on my face... So I talked to u... Precisely, I pointed it out... I lose trust in u... Ur emotions, seems fake and to me are all lies... I hate being cheated... I deal this conflict using my own direct way because a friend doesn't always need to tell everything nice, and a friend should show sincerity, and as what u emphasise too--honesty. I showed u my sincerity and honesty by telling u how I felt about u... Unfortunately, u didn't get my message and thought I m trying to cut our friendship off... I dont want to act as if a good friend in front if u, but dislike u by heart... Again unfortunately, u didn't wanted a friend like me who will tell u how a friend really felt... Let me tell u, I didn't feel any better... U cried and I did too... U r hurt and I am too... I still owe u a "Sorry", not because of hurting u, but because I expect u to be the same as me... To hold on this friendship, I need to accept u... I know u admited urself as a materialistic person, and u thought I knew it... Well, yes I knew it, but it doesn't mean I could accept it, and it doesn't mean u can continue doing it... Anyway, I still need to thank u for sharing with me so much of information about scholarships... It is from u I knew about them... I hope u can continue to share those things to me... And thanks for the memories u gave me... Thanks for being my part of growing up... I really appreciate u as a friend... One advice from me : never expect anything in return... emphasise again here : I really appreciate u as a friend... And the birthday attack, it makes me feel that we r still friends!!! Thanks!!!

After this post, I m going to keep those unhappy memories because I decided to not talk about it, and not to forget it since I learn from it... (well... Not really many I can remember...) And only kept those sweet ones... Friends, are still friends... I know, all of us are making effort to maintain our friendship...

Everyone, thanks for being my friends despite my weaknesses... I know I m not really a good friend, and u all must have a hard time to bare my screaming and laughing...

We no longer have chance to sit together in a classroom, wearing uniform, talking crap, laugh till death, play like mad, but those r the best memories... If there were hidden cameras in our classroom, I m sure we will be laughing so much watching the playback... U know why I regretted the most??? I didn't write down my "cold jokes"... Or else, it must be selling well in the market now... Those are classic!!!

Again, thank you... I cherish those moments when we all have the same aim, and share everything... Those time when we always think and care about each other...

Thank you...

Thoughts & Confessions

Long time no post here guys! I've read both comments about me by T and S and decided to write mine too on this blog. Was hesitating if I should post this publicly but hey, I don't think anyone else read our blog. So yeah. ;)

Overall, I am very glad to have met all of you during my secondary school life. With you guys around me during this chapter of life, I couldn't have asked for more although I have to admit that I do sometimes feel jealous seeing other gangs who have closer bonds with each other, unlike us who are, to be frank, kind of unstable. We appear inseparable in other people's eyes but in fact, we are not like what we seem to be. But of course, we don't quarrel often. Even if we sense a conflict among us, we would have this "heart-to-heart" talk and I really appreciate that. Now moving on to each of you...

To L,

We just didn't use to have the same wavelength in Form 3 huh? It makes me laugh every time I think of it. If we are seated side by side in class, it would mean World War III was about to happen. We would argue over the most trivial matter. Everything about you just pissed me off no matter how reasonable you were or how childish I was. But thank God, we chose to settle our problem by promising not to quarrel with each other anymore and to shake hands every time we sense a potential quarrel kicking in. After that, we became pretty close. Although we still have things that we can't accept about each other, at least we voice them out (in Whatsapp -.-), which will usually cause me to end up in tears. No matter what, I hope our friendship would last for as long as possible, even though it's hard to believe in "friendship forever" but who knows what may happen aye? Another thing, please don't throw tantrums on ME every time we go for outing. I can't possibly be happy when you are sad, okay? I will start PMS-ing with everyone around me as well if you're not happy. Lastly, thanks for being there for me everytime I needed someone to talk to or pour out my feelings to. Thanks for cheering me up each time I feel down and hearing my endless babblings. Love ya! <3 ;)

To O,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I think of you, I think of HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. To be honest, I like being around with you. Whenever I'm with you, I sort of forget my problems and just laugh along with you. Another reason why I like to talk to you is because you will never fail to laugh even though my joke isn't funny at all. Usually you would be the only one to laugh among Lyodts. Thanks for not making me feel embarassed! Teehee. We used to be really close once, although I don't remember when. We used to call each other almost every night to chat about the most pointless topics in the world, for hours. It's pretty sad that we started to drift apart after that, for reasons I don't remember. Or maybe there wasn't any reason. It just happened like that. But still! We are still doing okay now I guess! Our new hobby now is to flail over dresses on online blogshops. Lol. Thanks for being my mature friend! I sincerely hope we will still keep in touch no matter what. Good luck in college!

To D,

We are not close at all, I must say. Haha. Although we once used to talk about artists like there's no tomorrow. I would talk about my Japanese fandom and you would talk about your Korean fandom. It was really very fun! Actually it was one of the highlights of my secondary school life. Lol. Others would think I was insane for going crazy about the Japanese artists (I was really crazy, wasn't I?), but only you would understand. Still remember HG? I still get it now whenever I see HSJ! LOL. I guess we still keep in contact through Twitter and that's a good thing isn't it? I know you're still a noob in FB, you gotta catch up! Good luck! :) I can't seem to find anything about you that is worth anyone's hatred. I have never once quarreled with you, as far as I can remember. Hehe.

To T,

I agree with you, Form 5 was kind of a terrible, horrible and vegetable memory for us. But still, I am glad that we had wonderful memories together before that particular incident. I really looked at you as my daddy and would listen to most of your advice. The amount of respect I had for you was so much that I couldn't believe it myself. Even my parents noticed that too. I was quite shocked to see your comment - "I was disappointed that you didn't comprehend the changes in me after I came back from Turkey". What made you feel so? I am sorry for making you feel left out. I know I can't mend the rift between us no matter what I say. To be honest, I myself couldn't comprehend the reason I was so scared to tell you. I guess I was too scared to lose you. I was afraid that things between us might change if I decided to tell you, so all I could do was delay the confession. Only thing was I didn't expect it to end up the way it is right now. I'm sincerely sorry for whatever I've done to you. But still, thanks for wishing me happy birthday for the second time on Whatsapp. It frightened me a little, but I was glad. We talked like businesswomen and that upset me a bit because it wasn't how we used to talk. It was so much different. What hurts me the most is that when I decided to move on, you come into my life again. And when I decided to give it a try in our friendship, you left. Maybe you didn't realise but that is what I felt. Just to let you know, you were also the one whom I once held dearest than any other friends. Good luck in everything you are pursuing in your future! :D

To S,

Yeah, we used to be really close. Still remember that time when we went for the ASEAN Scholarship Selection Test together? And had a karaoke session on my bed late at night? Those were such wonderful memories I had with you. :) You're not the only one who felt that I'm replaced by someone else. I feel the same too. It seems that someone had replaced me. When we met up in Genting Highlands, the way we talk was a bit different from before, it was a little awkward. I wonder why. I was sad that you didn't wish me on my birthday but I was glad that you called. I understand that you were very busy with your choir stuff in Genting though. :P And I'm so sorry that I couldn't meet up with you during the holidays. You said I didn't make the effort of asking you out. Did I hear you wrong? I asked you out to Sunway but you said you didn't want to ice skate. I asked you out for countdown but you said you didn't have transport. One of the reasons why I went out with people I don't know is because I wanted to mix around. You're important to me, it's just that I lost confidence in you for reasons that can't be told. But still, I sincerely took you as my darling. <3

There are so many things that I can say about all of you that one blog post isn't enough. But I guess I'm gonna end it here. No offence yeah guys. Just sharing my thoughts with you guys. I hope after this we'll still maintain as how we were? We won't feel awkward around each other alright? :)

Oh yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I hereby wish you guys the best of luck in your future and although we will be moving on with our own paths, you guys are still the dearest to me! Do keep in touch! <3