Not Merely An Accident

Complications.

You weren't there to feel when the car hit my mom's car.
You weren't there to listen how my mom had screamed the moment the fella hit her car.
You weren't there to know the feeling was back, when i had my first accident few years ago and i got blamed, scolded from my mom and i silently cried in the middle of the night, apologizing.
You weren't there to realize it was my mother's precious car, and she wouldn't let anyone to drive her car, not even my brother and sister.
You weren't there to see how nervous i was, that i almost shouted at the phone when i called my father.
You weren't there to experience my fear.
You weren't in my position.

So i wouldn't blame you guys for not understanding, or asking me why i was upset.
Because the reason is simple;  

You weren't the one that involved, you weren't there.

Till now, i do still feel frightened whenever i see my mom's car, how badly damaged it is.
It can be repaired, can be fixed
but it can never be perfect, like it had been.

Same goes to my trauma,
It can never be mended.

''Crying was an acceptable outlet,

even if it made you feel raw and empty inside,

it was still better than that build up of resentment 

that grew for not letting your emotions out.''